We like people that are like ourselves. It’s known as rapport, a mutual feeling of understanding and trust. And the way you communicate is the key to building rapport with someone of the other sex.
The fact is that men and women communicate in different ways.
Connecting to a Man
For a woman to connect well with a man, she should:
- speak slower. Men speak in a slow and deliberate way. So try and match his speed, pace and pitch.
- talk facts not feelings. Present facts as the basis of a discussion or argument, not your feelings, emotions or feminine intuition.
- make direct statements and try not to be apologetic. Say things like “we need to...” rather than “I was hoping that we can...”
- talk about the things he’s interested in, not just what you and your girl friends are in to. Men tend to talk about five things - sport, work, politics, cars (and roads), and gadgets. And themselves!
- mirror his posture without appearing to mimic him.
- be clear about what you want and go for it.
Connecting to a Woman
For a man to connect well with a woman, he should:
- Make lots of eye contact and smile. Watch her mouth and then her eyes when she talks, look into her eyes when you talk. But make sure that you don't stare.
- Try and talk a bit faster – appear excited and try to match her speed, pace and tone.
- Talk about emotions and feelings, not just facts. Ask her opinion and say things like “how do you feel about…”
- Use more adjectives. Show lots of emotion. Appear excited and use lots of hand gestures when talking and facial gestures when listening.
- Use active listening techniques such as nodding your head, saying “yea”, etc.
- Look confident by sitting upright and leaning slightly forward.
- Try and find a reason to touch her upper arm or back of her hand with your fingertips.
As the Dating Doctor, Peter Spalton speaks at events, runs high-energy workshops and coaches people on all aspects of flirting, dating and chatting up strangers.
He also does interviews and phone-ins for BBC local radio, and appears in the regional press. He's been syndicated by the Press Association and his views and advice have been published on the BBC News web site and Channel 4 teletext.
Visit him on the Web at www.thedatingdoctor.co.uk