We all face situations where we walk into a room full of strangers and want to make a good impression. But we end up feeling invisible and that the whole thing was a waste of time.
Networking is like sex, when it is good it’s very very good. When it is not so good it’s still good and you wonder how it could have been better. And like sex, the more you practice the better it becomes.
Success comes down to six key social skills. The ones we need to master to get the best from the time we spend mixing with other people.
- Confidence – the ability to feel good, appear relaxed and stand out from the crowd.
- Approach – the ability and confidence to approach a stranger and start a conversation.
- Smiley Eyes – the ability to make your eyes smile when you meet someone and to maintain appropriate eye contact when you're in conversation.
- Shut Up & Listen – the ability to focus on what the other person is saying and to show them that you are interested in who and what they are. That's all about listening and learning how to “follow the thread” to restart a stalled conversation.
- Engage – the ability to stimulate the conversation with questions, word-pictures and self-disclosure. In other words, learning how to “make small talk big”.
- Body Talk – the ability to use your posture and voice to make the other person feel at ease. You need to understand body language so you can “talk with your body” and build rapport with the other person.
If you look at any relationship, they all develop in the same way. They start with an initial connection and inter-action (conversation). Then assuming you click, the relationship can lead to trust and a partnership. In your social life it's called dating. In business it’s called networking.
You can network anywhere, but most people do it at formal networking events. To get the best from the time you spend networking you need to learn a few basic rules.
Understand Why You’re There
You’re there to meet the right people. But before you go, you need to decide what sort of person you are looking for. This will save you time and help you formulate the sort of questions you should ask. When you meet them you must spend a bit of time finding out if you have any common interests and if they could help you in the future. Your objectives are to:
- get them to tell YOU about THEIR interests and how you can help THEM.
- judge how THEY could help YOU - friend, soulmate or business contact.
- build bridges and get yourself remembered.
- get their contact information (phone number or business card).
- suggest a one-to-one meeting (a date) if it's appropriate.
Prepare Yourself
Find out the dress-code for the event and try and dress a bit better than most people in the room. Elimate any tension and make yourself feel good before you get to the event.
- warm up your voice – shout a tongue twister or sing along to your favourite dance track.
- loosen up before you enter the room – do a shrug, hug, squeeze and stretch to release the tension in your neck and shoulders.
- make an entrance - put the angel on your shoulder and walk purposefully into the centre of the room.
Be Ruthless and Work the Room
Make sure you only spend a few minutes with each person and then move on. Remind yourself that you’re there to do business, it’s so easy to get distracted and talk to friends.
- arrive early, leave late.
- work the coffee and lunch queues.
- talk to anyone within three feet.
- sit with strangers not friends.
- change seats at the coffee break.
- don’t get stuck, move on after a few minutes.
Get Intimate when You Meet New People
Shaking hands isn’t enough. You need a “single breath introduction” and a “30 second commercial” to clearly introduce yourself. You need to practice and update it regularly.
When you meet someone don’t spend all the time talking about their business. Ask about their career, about what they do at the weekends (their interests), their favourite wine or where they live. If you talk about something more personal you are more likely to find something in common and connect with them on a more intimate level. This is like “making friends”. If you make a friend, you will not have to offer your business card – you will be asked for it.
Be enthusiastic and passionate about what you do and what you believe in. Genuine passion will always be clearly communicated and, most importantly, remembered.
Have some Blue Peter Questions
Build a repertoire of ‘trigger’ questions. They might sound a bit contrived when they are out of context, but they are something you can fall back on.
- how long have you been doing that?
- you must have seen some changes during that time?
- what type of customers do you have?
- how are things going at the moment?
- do you think it will change over next couple of years?
- how can I help you?
Don’t Sell, Sell, Sell
At networking events you often see people going around giving out business cards as though they were confetti. They move as quickly as possible from one person to the next. They don’t make eye contact, they don’t ask to exchange cards – they just deal them out.
You are not there to sell or to do a leaflet drop. You are there to start a connection with people and find out if you have a common ‘interest’. The real work starts at a follow-up meeting, a one-to-one that lasts an hour or so.
Believe in Boomerangs
When you give someone a present, you can expect to receive one in return. But, as with the laws of Karma, and with boomerangs, you must not expect the gift to come straight back from the person to whom you gave your “gift”. Give and you will receive.
The best gift you can give to a person you have just met is the contact details of someone else who may be able to help them. Or tell them about some information that will help them. They will spread the word that you make things happen for others and the boomerang effect will brings its rewards.
Stimulate, Seduce and Build Trust
Your network is made up of actual people. Your ability to get business from them is directly proportional to how much you focus on them and the effort you put into building trust. Once people trust you, business will start to come your way.
Send a ‘nice-meeting-you’ letter or email within two days of meeting someone for the first time. Follow-up after two months, at least.
Adopt a Winning Attutude
It’s all very well having good social skills, but your mind and body are totally interlinked. So when you feel good about things, you look good and sound happy. Your attitude creates your mood and that sets the tone of your voice, your facial expressions and your body language.
- feel relaxed and comfortable with yourself. You will then come across as a very confident person, and this is one of the most crucial elements for social success.
- the maxim “if you don’t ask, you don’t get” is absolutely true. Develop your social skills so you’re not afraid to ask something, or to speak your mind.
- realise that sometimes people won’t respond as you’d like them to. When you don’t worry if people say “no”, you will have an inner strength and manage to get away with all sorts of things. Learn to laugh at rejection.
